Dina Sudlow
Dear Children:
Sit down quietly and I will tell you about a gorilla named Bamboo, who lived in a lovely jungle somewhere in Africa.
Now nasty things were happening in Africa. The jungle was quickly disappearing because people were cutting down trees -- yes, Johnny, just like Mac- Blo -- and destroying the place where the gorillas live. Can you say habitat?
Poor Bamboo was quickly running out of quiet places where he and his lady friend could grab a quick, um, snack.
One day, Bamboo and his lady gorilla friend were, um, snacking, and this big meanie snuck up behind them; the big meanie used a tranquilizer gun -- right, Britanny, just like Mummy's Prozac -- because he wanted to take Bamboo far, far away to Canada and put him in a zoo so he could, um, snack with other lady gorillas.
Meanie Man really hurt Bamboo, though, and doctors had to fix him up and much to evewne's surprise, Bamboo learned to talk! Isn't that wonderful, children. Okay, yes I know gorillas can't talk, but when they fixed Bamboo they did something to his throat -- no, Johnny, not like when they fixed Rover and he couldn't have puppies. Yes, I realize that Daddy was upset.
Anyway, the Big Meanie man was really a bad person because he wanted to snack with Bamboo's girlfriends, too, as well as with anything else he could .....
Uh, children, how would you like to hear about Lassie, who rescues little Timmy when he falls into an open mine shaft -- yes, Tyler, I KNOW Lassie is really a he. And no, he is NOT a dog in drag...
The Big Bamboozle is great fun, guys, although I can see where the odd zoo might get a titch nervous about selling the book! Personally, I don't think a little, bestiality ever hurt anyone, but some zoos have no sense of humour.
This reminds me of the time that Gillian went to the Raold Dahl books in the children's section of the library and picked out one she hadn't read -'Uncle Oswald'. I began to wonder when, after she had read a couple of pages, she asked what sperm was. Uncle Oswald is not Willie Wonka; in fact, it's more like Willie Wanker! The poor librarian was practically in tears when I suggested Oswald just may have been misfiled ..... and I'll bet she took the book home that night...
But I digress. I thought 'The Big Bamboozle' was loads of laughs and a welcome comic relief from the usual do-gooder's factual, oh-so-worthy, save-the- animals-or-they-will-disappear-and-IT'S-ALL-YOUR-FAULT book, which I realize does have its place. But who said consciousness-raising can't be funny? It gets the point across.
Ah, I can see Bamboo now; he and Amanda having a quiet, um, snack in a tree, occasionally gazing out at all the silly white-eyes gawping, and feeling quite relieved that gorilla evolution stopped when it did.
Cheers! dina sudlow (Ron Sudlow) @,Dbc.sympatico.ca